In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
