Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
