he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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