Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
