I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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