the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize