Pants 0. Shit 1.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
