that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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