You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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