Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
