don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
