I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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