Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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