sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
