I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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