Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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