i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
