So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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