Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
