I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
