there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
