about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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