I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I licked your asshole in confidence.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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