dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
