he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
