I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
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You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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