Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
