I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
