Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
