So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
