She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
