Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
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I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
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Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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