well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He shit in the fireplace
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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