Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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