If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
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Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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