Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
