cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
