I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
