pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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