You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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