Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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