Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
