God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
