my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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