Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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