You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
