A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize