its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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