I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
