i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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