He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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