I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
