Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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