Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
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I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
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Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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