If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
