God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize