her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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