I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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