My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
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I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Dear god my vagina.
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