i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
