Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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