a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
